Tom
Tom used to consider himself a go-getter.
Self-disciplined, motivated, and optimistic was how Tom’s family, friends, peers and direct reports spoke of him. Throughout his fifteen-year career, Tom had navigated well the challenges and opportunities of his industry. It wasn’t surprising he was now in senior management.
On the outside, all seemed well. On the inside though, things were different.
In recent months, Tom had lost and couldn’t find his “spark”. Small things upset him, and his solid patience was replaced by a brittle snappiness. He tried to keep up appearances, sometimes compensating by working longer hours. He feared people would notice the change in him and he worried his performance was dropping off. Some days it was like walking around in a fog.
He knew his mood was low. Sluggish, unmotivated, uninspired…was how he felt on many days. But he wasn’t prepared to consider he might be depressed. “Depression is for the faint of heart,” he would often tell himself, trying to dismiss the negativity that continued to swirl and often condemn.
Then one day he arrived early to work, sat down but never got started.
His mind froze: blank. It was a regular workday with regular tasks planned, but today the only action he could manage was looking blankly at the computer screen till the screen returned to sleep mode. Some minutes later he thought “I’m like this computer. I’ve shut down to conserve energy”.
The metaphor helped Tom to see, it wasn’t going to be as simple as moving the “mouse”, typing on the keyboard or hitting “restart” for him to emerge from his personal “shut-down” mode. Intensely aware of his feelings of emotional dryness and mental fatigue he plucked up the courage, picked up the phone, and made a call for help.
It was time.
Ray
*Edited by Michelle Sexton - Clinical Psychologist
PS. Tom is a fictional character that represents numerous people’s stories I have heard and worked with over the years, including parts of my own journey. Mental fatigue, emotional dryness and depression, ongoing loss of momentum and suicidal thoughts are all inner conditions that need to be addressed by professionals with support from family and friends. The best time to get help is when you know things aren’t what they used to be.
You might also like a couple of similar articles: Brian and Reaching out from the shadows
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